U2

U2 is all I've been able to listen to recently. It's been on my ipod for a couple of weeks now, so whenever I'm driving that's what's on. I did change it once, but after a couple of songs it went straight back to U2. On the plus side, it's their older stuff, genius. On the negative side, it's actually "The Best of 1980-1990". I know I know, I should actually have the proper albums, not just a best of, but I haven't! I think there is a reason why it is all I listening to though. Let me explain.

I'm going to be pretty honest so I hope that's ok. I've been struggling for the past few weeks, really struggling with my faith. God has just seemed so distant, I've had more questions now then I've ever had in my life, and to tell you the truth, this is the first time I'm actually admitting it publicly. Is God really there? For me he has just seemed so distant. How can he forgive me? What does my future hold? I'm frustrated. It's me not putting effort in though, I know it. I can see he is already doing stuff for me, but he is a relational God which means I have to put some effort in too. Normally if I'm not reading my bible enough I am just chatting to God throughout the day, but I'm not even doing that, I'm not in a good place.

It's singing along to some of Bono's searching lyrics that has helped me realise I'm not in a good spot. In "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" there is the line:

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Oh my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

And that's the thing, deep down I do believe it. I just have to get back to that place of being close with God and striving to be closer. For non Christians who are wondering what I am on about, at the moment I feel like I've had an argument with you best friend, where you know you are in the wrong and being scared to approach them again because you think they might reject. Although I know God wont reject.

Anyway, that was deep.

Lovely chilled family gathering at my Grandma's last night. Strange how big these gatherings are getting now!

At the top of this post you will see a snazzy little logo I made today! I've also come up with an idea of trying to do a bit of freelance work myself if I can, audio producing etc. Even if I don't get any work from it, I think I am going to start a website and put some of my own work up as a portfolio, what's the worst that can happen?

Comment's on the logo would be appreciated!

And so would your prayer for general life too!

Thanks.